katie stromwall's blog

The truth is, I’ve been keeping this a secret from you.  In fact, I’ve had a blog page for almost a year and haven’t sent the link to anyone because…well… I am afraid to blog.

Writing tends to be an outlet for me in which I make myself pretty exposed and vulnerable.  Inviting people into my life this up close produces some fear in me.  The fear is that if people know the real me, the real and raw thoughts,  they could all gather around in a large circle and mock me. The fear goes deeper. The fear of not being approved of. The fear of losing human affirmation. The fear of wanting so badly to be liked but realizing that some people may not always like what I think or say.  So I am taking on a great challenge by blogging!   Exposing some pretty personal struggles and experiences- and now I will be held accountable for it!

I want to be transparent, sort of like a window.  If people know the real me, they can help me learn to live.  Hopefully these experiences will help others to learn to live too.  At very least, may it be a form of multimedia entertainment.

Thanks for visiting!

Love,

Katie

Summer 2006

Will you take me like this
Will you reach your hands down from your holy height
And touch my lowliness
Will you wrap me in your arms of love
And hold me until I surrender
For I am flesh and bone,
Turned into dust
Longing to be recreated

Into the Light
By Katie Stromwall

Song Lyrics written
Sunday, March 09, 2008
11:56 AM

V1
The lights are blinding
Driving Home
On this two way road
You’re in control
But you’re losing it now

You’ve cut ties with everyone
Made your wish
That this could all be done
I know
Because I’ve been there

Chorus
Hold on
I’ll stay by you
Till this is through
In battle cries
We will rise
Into the light

V2
When it seems impossible
To hope when you feel strangled
By a world of lies
It will addict us to anything
To escape momentary affliction
Its so appealing
Just to be set free » Read the rest of this entry «

(An Excerpt from my personal journal)
Friday, August 08, 2008
1:49 PM

Father, thank you so much that you love me and forgive me- you shed on me your grace, which I am endlessly undeserving of. God, its amazing how you reach me. Amazing that you reach down to my cold, cold, cold heart. My heart that becomes a stone so fast. My heart that becomes undesirable of the only thing worth desiring- you. God, being married has revealed so much truth to me. It has shown me so much of how hurtful of a person I can be. And it has shown me such a picture of Jesus, of how much Nick forgives me and loves me and stands by my side. God, you are growing me, slowly, there is so much evidence of grace in my life. I am overwhelmed by the grace poured out on such a sinner. Its like when vanilla ice cream drowns underneath oodles of thick, chocolate fudge. I am the drowning vanilla ice cream. Your forgiveness clothes me like thick fudge.

Lord, I have been wandering, sinking, falling away from treasuring you. I have put my hope in things I own, put too much faith in flesh and bone, lived carelessly.

I am begging you Jesus to give me new perspective. Give me a new heart, new hands, new feet, a desire to give away my life.

Father, its taking all I am not break down and cry in Caribou right now. My heart is just so broken.  So confused about how being a Christian is possible when I am such a hypocrite. And yet- this is what being a Christian is. Being a hypocrite and being forgiven for it. » Read the rest of this entry «

Written Saturday, August 09, 2008
12:13 PM

Today, creativity preceded our Saturday checklist at the Stromwall residence.  Soft melodies of a saxophone and a piano drifted into the haze of sunshine through our window as we casually dabbled with our musical passions in our pajamas.  Suddenly,  ideas flooded our humble abode on Huron Blvd, which actually, in comparison to most of the world, is like a mansion filled with amazing amenities most do not have access to- running water, a fully supplied kitchen, cupboards with food, a couch, computers, a great piano to play… let me backtrack. It is not a humble abode at all when looking through a global lens. Its actually quite luxurious, even though it is considered the least expensive place to live near the University of Minnesota.  So… am I rich or poor? In a matter of 30 seconds, each literate person with access to the internet could have their definitions of wealth and poverty completely redefined by one click on links to websites such as: http://www.globalrichlist.com, http://www.globalissues.org, and http://www.tanzanialifeproject.org.

Don’t worry, I’m not just going to propose a challenge without taking the plunge myself myself. Thirty seconds ago, I thought I was one of those young, “just starting off” college grads who just upgraded old silverware for some nice new silverware. After 30 seconds of clicking, I have been whacked over the head with what feels like a large baseball bat. I think I actually felt my brain jiggle after I visited http://www.globalrichlist.com/ and learned that in college, I lived among the top 13% of the richest people in the world. That means I was richer than 87% of the world.  Holy Smokes! Let me get specific. I worked as a nanny and a waitress for one year of college. Combined, I made near $10,000 in a year from those jobs. This puts me in the top 13.31% of the richest people in the world, economically speaking. Let me give you a visual (which you could see too in about 30 seconds)… » Read the rest of this entry «

So it seems… that I spend a lot of my time in dreamland. It can look a lot of different ways. Me running down the street, dreaming of one day running with a body like the one that just surpassed me on East River Parkway. Or me sitting in a puddle of self pity after I’ve realized I’ve just blown off a scheduled coffee date with a friend because I double booked amidst the craziness of wedding planning and grad school. Or me sitting on a bench waiting for the bus, staring into the sky imagining “Super Katie,” who is inevitably much better than the actual Katie awaiting the bus. Or how about this one? The dream of “Princess Katie-” I’m walking down the isle to marry my prince (also known as Nick Stromwall)- The dream is perfect. I am smiling with a really cheesy wedding smile, I have a great tan going, there’s marvelous music playing, I’m thin, my teeth are so white you are surely going blind if you’re look at them, I finally have that freckle removed so I wont look completely covered in freckles when my strapless dress reveals that I actually have more freckles than any other person on the face of the planet, oh- and there’s this glow in the air, and Nick is flawlessly googling his eyes at me as I perfectly prance down the isle like Tinker Bell.

Bamb! Like the strike of mid-night in Disney’s Cinderella, my dream, most likely conducted by an unending collection of bridal magazines ,is awakened by the notorious interruption of my cell phone. Ok. Let me float down in my parachute for a second while you look for my glass slipper. » Read the rest of this entry «