Glorious Grace

I am thankful for the Friday Night Blues I had two days ago. They led me to a total revelation of my insecurities and false places I place my worth, which revealed so many deeper things going on inside of my heart. When Nick came home Friday night, I was messing around with cool vintage paper, my recipe book, a glue stick, magazine clippings, and cool pens. Crafts ease my mind and allow my creative juices to run wild, rather than allowing myself to run wild. Nick came home and sat next to me, held my hands, rubbed my back and calmly asked me how I was doing while apologizing for the night’s miscommunication. It was very much glorious grace.

This is a pattern I am getting use to in my life. Searching for joy in the wrong places + measuring my self worth based on my works + getting angry and unleashing sin+ processing conflict+ realizing I’m not satisfied+ REPENTANCE = Receiving glorious grace and Christ’s righteousness covering all of my insecurities and sin. However, it is very much a wrestling match between believing lies and believing truth. It takes all I am to believe fully that God’s grace completely removes me from condemnation and punishment. I am totally freed because of Christ’s perfect life given to me and his death, which bore the wrath for all of my sin. It is finished. There is nothing more I have to do to gain his worth and love. Nothing. I’m free. But I have to knock down the wall of lies to believe it.

As the pattern continues, I continue to learn more about myself and God- and I’m slowly seeing myself change! Nick is honestly the best catalyst to my growth and change as a person and as a Christian. Being in such close relationship with him has revealed so many things inside of me that was sneakily hidden before marriage. Because of the natural level of accountability spouses bring each other, I am forced to look myself in the heart and examine. The deeper I am exposed, the more grace I see! I am flippant and swayed by emotions and circumstances (if that’s not obvious!), but God remains steadfast and unchanging in his love. Whew! I am so blessed.

As the Friday Night Blues were coming to an end, I poured out my heart and insecurities, Nick listened- much like I would imagine Jesus listens to us when we pour our hearts out to him. After a good cry, he began helping me with the recording equipment he surprised me with a few weeks after getting married. As he fuddled with the computer, microphone and piano, we finally figured out how to record! I played and sang while he played around with the computer program. I love writing songs and singing. Nick loves computers. A match made in heaven? I think so.

After facing the truth- that I have been rescued by God’s grace and shown mercy amidst my sin and rebellion of God- I eventually shed this grace upon Nick, and he shed grace upon me as well within minutes of him walking in the door. Honestly, I can’t imagine what marriage would be like without this understanding- that we are both deeply sinful and the only way we can truly forgive each other is because we have first been forgiven. Right now, I am trusting in Romans 8:1-2 “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.”

Even though I had the Friday Night Blues because of a combination of expectations not being met, a sinful heart and insecurities, I have been set free from it all in Christ. Because of this glorious grace, Nick and I have been able to (after processing through deeper issues and sin) forgive and forget.

I am on the lifelong journey to hope in God instead of in things, people, marriage, how I look, how others perceive me, etc.

Thanks for being on this slow and awesome journey with me.