My Baptism

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My goal is for this not to sound snooty, self-exaulting, opinionated, arrogant or offensive… I hope it actually sounds the opposite. This is just one story. One journey. One life. So I want to humbly share some changes that I feel God has convinced me of in my heart.

A lot has changed for me, spiritually, in the past six years. After taking some classes, investigating what Jesus says, and praying for four years about being baptized by immersion, I felt led by God to be baptized since becoming a true believer in Christ in college.

The biggest paradigm shift that I’ve had is that the bible can be trusted as the Word of God. This doesn’t mean that I take the bible literally for every word, but it means that after reading its messages in the context of who wrote them, who they were writing to, and why they wrote the things they wrote, I can trust it to be the Word of God and a message that should not be changed or added to.

Paul, Silvas, and Timothy wrote a letter to fellow believers in Christ in Thessolonica. Among other things, they praised the Thessalonians: “And we also thank God constantly for this, that when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men but as what it really is, the word of God, which is at work in you believers. ” (1 Thess 2:13)

So, as I’ve searched the Word and the contexts that portray how, when, and why baptism takes place, I felt the Lord putting it on my heart to be baptized.

It was really a vulnerable experience wearing a funny robe barefoot and standing in front of friends and family members sharing the work Christ has done in my life. Yet, it was so sweet and humbling to stand there and be laid bare, open in front of people in my life, exposed and real, and literally dripping wet from head to toe.

Baptism through immersion was so significant in my understanding of what happens to our bodies and souls when we believe in Jesus.

Galations 2:20 says “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. The life I now live I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Baptism represents exactly that- that it is no longer I living, but Christ living in me.

The significance of going all the way under water in baptism by immersion represents death, which we deserve because of our sin, and coming out of the water represents life, which is given to us because of God’s mercy and pardoning of our sin through the work of Christ. It was really amazing to experience a glimpse of what it will be like when God raises us from the dead like Jesus, what it will be like to be made new, holy and perfect, like God.

Coming out of the water did not mean that at that moment, I was filled with the Holy Spirit for the first time. The Holy Spirit has already baptized my heart, so coming out of the water was an expression of the inward work He has already done in my heart. This is one of my favorite ways of how God works- that we don’t need to go through rituals or follow any rules to receive His grace and mercy in our hearts.

Salvation is something outside of our human control. The Holy Spirit can enter a heart at any time that God chooses to awaken it. I love that we cannot control salvation- that it is an act of mercy from God that acts independently of our own knowledge or understanding.

Mark 1:4- 8 says…. “John appeared, baptizing in the wilderness and proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. And all the country of Judea and all Jerusalem were going out to him and were being baptized by him in the river Jordan, confessing their sins. Now John was clothed with camel’s hair and wore a leather belt around his waist and ate locusts and wild honey. And he preached, saying, “After me comes he who is mightier than I, the strap of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie. I have baptized you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”

In the bible, repentance had to precede baptism, and I have come to believe through observing the bible that baptism was not the means by which sins were forgiven but rather was a sign indicating that one had truly repented. And, apart from being baptized with water, Christ baptizes us with the Holy Spirit in our hearts.

I don’t think Christ would love me less if I had not gotten baptized because the true baptism in my life took place when He came into my heart. This happened after I genuinely repented to Him, which I believe to be somewhere in my junior year of college. But I am not the ultimate judge of when God got a hold of my heart, He is. So I cannot say exactly when He made a place to dwell in my soul, but I don’t think I ever experienced His peace or what it meant to surrender and trust in Christ until a few years ago. I needed Christ to be something FOR me, and that was something I did not understand previous to college. I perhaps understood intellectually, but not in my heart.

My decision to be baptized was not out of youthful zeal or jumping on board with a popular spiritual bandwagon. Actually, coming from my background it seems rather unpopular or strange. Yet, I am filled with joy and peace to be baptized now that God has truly regenerated my heart! It brings me so much joy to share what an amazing savior He is. If every person I knew could experience the great freedom and joy of knowing Christ, the great help of his Holy Spirit momentarily- I would be constantly rejoicing for them- because Christ completely lifts all of our burdens and restores our brokenness. He allows us to lived unashamed and forgiven- guilt free.

After being baptized, I can see that God knows what He is doing and it is a beautiful and humbling experience to stand as a grown adult and acknowledge that I am a sinner in need of Jesus Christ. My age has nothing to do with my understanding of Jesus- and life experience does not mean I know everything about God. There was a man in his forties who was baptized, and how humbling for him to be laid bare even as a mature adult. This is the authentic work of the Holy Spirit- it comes into each believer’s life at the exact time and way in which God ordains it, independent of our age or former knowledge.

There were about 25 people, friends, family, and fellow church members who came to support me. Other candidates also had many people there to support them. As I stood on the alter dripping and wrapped in a towel over my robe, the people who came to support me all came up to the alter and circled around me (which I was glad for because I was freezing!). They laid their hands on me and prayed, thanked God for me, asked God to help me and to be with me. I cannot describe what this felt like. To feel so many hands embracing me, to hear the joy of fellow believers praise God for His act of mercy in my life, to feel so embraced as a sister in Christ. I realize more and more how important this community of people is in my life. They are the people who I call upon for help and accountability in my life, and to have them there praying was truly humbling. To know that my relationship with God is sustained by a team of people, who remind me of the truth and encourage me, is so uplifting. I am not alone because God has provided His people to walk through this life with me.

I am convinced that God is concerned about the purposes of our hearts much more than our outward religious appearances, which scared me when I was 21 because I knew that the purposes of my heart at their core were jealousy, anger, pride, covetousness, slander, bitterness, and selfish ambition… I knew that most of my actions were motivated by these things. If I’m honest, even my “good” actions were motivated by pride, jealousy, or to gain more spiritual status. So, I took a risk as I prayed to the Lord. I admitted that I was sinful and that I need God to change me.

My journal in August 2006 reads…

God, I Pray…

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139: 23-24)”

And wow is that NOT a small prayer! The Holy Spirit came into my heart at this time in my life in a different way than ever before. He found me when I was journaling, in class, working out, listening to music, reading books and the bible, walking down the street, in the car- I could feel Him guiding me and changing my perceptions of who He was everywhere- it was truly the first time that my life did not feel compartmentalized. I was free to experience God’s grace in my daily life because He drew near to me.

What was significantly different about when I prayed Psalm 139 was that I was actively asking the Lord to help me and to help me fight the sin in my life. Before that, I didn’t care that I was disobedient. I was apathetic. I knew I was breaking God’s commandments, but I didn’t care. I began to care when I was twenty- one. I began to see that I want to learn to love God and to love his ways, but I needed help. It was the first time I wanted to fight sin. Jesus says to his disciples in John 14:15-17 says, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. He goes on to tell the disciples that He will still be with them after His death in John 14:26, “But the a Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” Jesus is the Holy Spirit, and He is alive in the hearts of believers. Its amazing that we don’t have to perform a ritual or be anywhere other than in the presence of God- and this can take place anywhere throughout our days.

In my observation of God’s idea of the Holy Spirit is that it is God, but not in visible form. In God’s wisdom, He chose to communicate with our hearts rather than with our eyes, until He comes back or until we meet Him face to face.

The Holy Spirit is…
* the one who helps
* the person who is truthful
* the person who never leaves believers
* the person who dwells in us
* the one who teaches us things
* the one who brings things of Christ to mind
* the one who bears witness of Jesus, allowing us to do the same
* the one who is coming for our advantage
* the one who convicts of sin, righteousness and judgment
* the one who guides us into truth
* the one who magnifies Jesus

He has helped me tremendously since I have begun to trust in Him. Before that, I use to depend on myself because I thought I was a righteous person, a rule follower, and a good person. But, slowly, in college, I realized my weaknesses and that I have no real strength at all. This is what led me to ask the Lord for His help, and He really gave it to me!

He has conquered the passions of my former flesh, the idolatry of my body image, my obession with pleasing people, and he has helped me understand what the gospel truly means! It means that my life is no longer about my performance, but about what God has performed for me and what He will continue to perform through my life. I no longer measure myself based upon standards because Christ is the standard- He was the perfect one. I am not. And I am no longer a slave to what people think of me or even to what I think of me. The peace of Christ rests in me and has made the approval and opinions of people in my life of very small importance. I trust this is what happens when we are trusting in Jesus to stand in our place to remove the judgment of wrath that we deserve. We can trust that His death on the cross was enough, so we no longer have to judge ourselves. The Apostle Paul did not value the opinion or criticism of others or even himself because He was so secure in the promises of God. He said in his letter to the Corinthians in chapter 4:3-5… “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.”

I realize that there are a lot of differing beliefs about salvation and baptism, and I welcome the thoughts, ideas, and opinions of others. Faith in Christ is a life-long journey, and I rejoice with Christians of all denominations and backgrounds at what Jesus has done on the cross. I feel no barrier from one Christian to another if beliefs about baptism are different. However a person experiences the intimacy, forgiveness, and a new life in Christ is authentic to how God is working in their life, and I rejoice with every brother and sister who has found Christ to be their true treasure, freedom, and joy. I also welcome viewpoints and thoughts of brothers and sisters who do not believe in Christianity and feel genuine love without judgment towards all people in my life. There would be no basis for me to ever judge another soul because I don’t have a higher status than any other person. I am quite an average woman, full of weaknesses and areas to improve in, but there is a power in my life that I cannot describe. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Jesus Christ.

I cannot wait to walk on in faith to bring God glory and to see many more come to know Him in this life.