Choosing Gratitude: No Thanks
This morning, the first words that came out of my mouth were, “This alarm clock sucks.” Wouldn’t you love to wake up next to me? I looked at the time to see that it was 7:11am. I swear I set it for 7am! I recalled. I then looked to see I had set it for 7:00pm. Nick was humored because, yes, this is the second day in a row of mixing up my AM with PM. Then, I heard our coffee bean grinder go off. Another reason to grumble, even though I really love coffee. Then, Nick asked if I could make him a sandwich while he was in the shower. More grumbling. After pouring my coffee, the white cozy chair looked so inviting. I was getting all set to re-align my compass with the Word of God. Then Nick said, “can we get to church early?” (I go with him on Tuesdays to take a guitar lesson). Out came more grumbling.
ALAS. I open up to my gratitude devotion in the basement of our church. Psalm 56. Of course, David is overflowing with thankfulness in like- REALLY TOUGH- circumstances. That seems to be a common theme of David and the apostle Paul. ME, however? Grumbling and complaining in REALLY EASY circumstances. I turned to ask Nick, “How come David’s Psalms are always like, ‘My enemies are about to kill me, I’m being tormented, I’m wasting away, I have the hardest life EVER- but always ending in THANKS, PRAISE, GOD IS GOOD, I LOVE THE WORD OF GOD, GOD IS MY DELIVERER, I WILL RENDER THANK TO GOD, etc?’” He’s so aware of God’s massive goodness in the midst of harder trials than I’ve ever faced.
Then I read this paragraph: “Perhaps it’s hard for you to find much to be thankful for today. Perhaps all you can see is what’s wrong, what hurts, and what others are doing to you. But look above your circumstances, beyond your fears, and ask God to show you what He’s doing in the midst of them.”
I turned to Nick and laughed and said, “Let me read this to you. Fitting of me, today, isn’t it?” He laughed and made an impression of me saying “This alarm sucks!” We both had a good laugh. The Word of God has a way of thawing out a cold, stubborn heart. Am I ever grateful for the word of God- that it DOES redirect my compass for the day. I am mighty desperate for that!
So this is what ingratitude is: Being thankful for nothing. In the chapter, “No Thanks,” in Choosing Gratitude, I spent a few hours journaling (ok…WEEPING) through a lot of things that needed to come to the surface. So why am I often so ungrateful? In this chapter, I learned 5 instigators of ingratitude. It was startling to admit how much these traps have a hold on me.
5 instigators of ingratitude:
- Unrealistic Expectations
- Forgetfulness
- Entitelment
- Comparison
- Blindness to God’s grace.
For me, unrealistic expectations, entitlement and comparison are the three widest doorways for Satan to come and have a foothold in my life. Its going to take some real awareness of what these things actually do to me and to see the ugly affects of them before I can learn to be grateful. I have to start from some real shadows in my heart. But knowing that God is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love gives me courage to go to these dark places.
Unrealistic Expectations. I think marriage and relationships with others is the place that reveals that I often carry unrealistic expectations. I am so prone to place others in the place of God in my life. I forget that God alone is the one who saves me, so I look to others to save me. I often expect others to understand me, to know me fully, to be lavishly gracious to me, to say just the right thing to me, to give me what I want, to make me feel how I want to feel. Last year, I read the book “When People are Big and God is Small.” It really helped me lower my expectations for all relationships in my life apart from my relationship with Christ. Why do we expect so much from people who are sinful? I can honestly say that after the Lord teaching me a lot more about who HE IS for ME, I actually enjoy my relationships in life a lot more when I lower my expectations and understand that people are just PEOPLE! They are not GOD! I do not need to love them to BE loved. I can love them because I have BEEN loved. I enjoy relationships for the great blessing they are, rather then expecting them to fill the deep void in me only Jesus was meant to fill.
Entitlement. No one is to blame but me for this false right I give to myself daily. DeMoss says it well, “The more affluent we are, the higher our standard of living, it seems, the more demanding and discontent we become.” I know I live in a small apartment and live on a really simple and low budget with my husband, but there are some things that I need to deal with anyway: I have a college degree and own a car. Did you know that only 1% of the world has these two luxuries? Did you know that only 1/3 of America has the internet in their homes? Yep, that pretty much puts me in my place. I’m spoiled. Really spoiled. Even though I shop with coupons and buy clothes from the good will and other thrifty stores (I really can’t remember the last time I went to a real store to buy clothes), I have plenty of entitled attitudes that carry into my daily life. Our American culture is festering with this sense of “deservedness.” I confess… so am I.
Comparison. This hit me real hard, friends. She’s prettier than me. She’s funnier than me. She’s a better ______ than me. She has a better career than me. She has more accomplishments than me. Sound familiar? Confession: Don’t we all compare our level of labor and commitments we are investing in with others? I do. I am often consumed with myself- and it keeps me from being grateful for what others contribute. I was listening to Tim Keller’s sermon, “Blessed Self Forgetfulness,” and he spoke about an Olympic athlete. He said, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could see a figure skater land that triple- lux and be able to marvel and rejoice just as much as if WE had landed it? Wouldn’t it be great if we could just marvel at the fact that it got landed at all?” I felt pierced right in the heart. Because I knew, I would be consumed with ME in that situation. Comparing my ability to land the cool spin and totally bummed that I couldn’t land it as smoothly as the other athlete. I would be ruled by comparison. I AM ruled by comparison a lot.
The following reality brought me to tears as I read on in my book, “We lose our appreciation for our spouse, children, friends, and coworkers when we constantly view them in our own shadow.” I cried as I could think of specific people in my life that I view through the lens of my own accomplishments. They are either less or more than me. I cried hard. These people, often the closest to me, are the ones that I am constantly one-upping or one-downing… do you get my drift? Like I said, I cried hard. Because I don’t truly love these people… in fact, I don’t love them at all… I just live life competing with them.
Oh how I did repent. I told the Lord how bitter I become when I start to think that someone has something more or better than me. I told him how sorry I was for the crippling motivations in my heart. I pleaded with the Lord to teach me to love. To teach me to be self-forgetful. I want to be genuinely happy when God is glorified through the achievements of people. Does it always have to be through me? Can’t I be joyful seeing someone else write a great song rather than thinking, “Why can’t I write song as great as that?” I believe God can transform me… I think that’s what he’s doing by helping me see what he’s actually transforming… But in light of His abundant grace, I have so much hope!
So. Ingratitude. It steals all. Healthy relationships, humility, contentment, enjoyment, and the sweet walk with Christ that provides our only access to abundant life. (DeMoss).
Sometimes crying hard is good. Crying because we have been so hateful and prideful in our hearts towards others is… crying because we have been so obsessed with ourselves and our own performances… that we’ve actually hated others (even though we can be really good at outwardly faking love) … followed by desperate repentance to Jesus… is strangely liberating. I have even carried in my heart this new sense of appreciation and thankfulness for the gifts and blessings of others. What a freedom… to be grateful is liberating me from bitter thoughts, jealous comparison, envy… I am thankful I have a big gracious, slow to anger father in heaven who sympathizes with my weaknesses. His cross is big enough for me to drop off even larger loads of ungratefulness. (Who knows what tomorrow will bring, right?!)
You guys. I have allowed roots of pride and ingratitude grow up in my heart for years. You can imagine the pain involved in them being chopped down… and the joy that new seeds are replacing the old ones… seeds of real gratitude, of real awareness of what I’ve been given.
I’ve begun two lists. 1. Gifts From God. 2. Gifts From others. Maybe this sounds cheesy. But that’s ok… I think I have learned to accept that I’m a huge cheese-ball. I may have to get cheesy to become grateful. More like I may have to put on some humility to be grateful. It’s been transformational to write down all of the ways I’ve been lavishly blessed. I’m in the process of telling others the ways they have blessed me. The sweet thing is that it’s the Holy Spirit inspiring me to tell people of my gratefulness for them and not a “how to” attempt at making relationships better. Love breathed by the Holy Spirit is such a sweet thing! I’ve got a long way to go, folks!
Left to myself, I do not naturally gravitate towards gratitude. With the Word, the living and active, sharp as a sword WORD of God- so much gratefulness is possible. That’s what I need as my compass. That’s what I can trust in.
Here’s a look at Psalm 56 to encourage your heart…
Psalm 56
1Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me;
all day long an attacker oppresses me;
2my enemies trample on me all day long,
for many attack me proudly.
3When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
4In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?
5All day long they injure my cause;
all their thoughts are against me for evil.
6They stir up strife, they lurk;
they watch my steps,
as they have waited for my life.
7For their crime will they escape?
In wrath cast down the peoples, O God!
8You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
9Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that God is for me.
10In God, whose word I praise,
in the LORD, whose word I praise,
11in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
12I must perform my vows to you, O God;
I will render thank offerings to you.
13 For you have delivered my soul from death,
yes, my feet from falling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life.
I would love to hear your trials of choosing gratitude in the face of being tempted not to… please share! What are you grateful for?
Happy Tuesday!
Katie 
