Learning to Suffer
I had to share this from Joni Eareckson Tada, a quadriplegic who also suffers from breast cancer. I am blown away by her perspective in her suffering; I am a student at her feet when it comes to learning to endure through the harder seasons of life and the fiery trials when they come. Anyone else with me?
Here’s a hopeful excerpt from her message “The Stakes are Higher Than You Think.”
“…it’s good to remember when you are suffering that every promise that the Father has ever made finds its fulfillment in Jesus Christ. If you are hurting, especially today, if you are sitting there hurting on the inside, He felt the sting in His chest first. If you are sitting there feeling like darkness is all around you, take heart, for even the darkness is light to our glorious Savior.
Jesus went without encouragement on his cross so that you and I might have it, that we might have Him as we bear our cross. And if you feel forsaken in life, remember that Jesus was the most God-forsaken man who ever lived. So that He, in turn, might say to you in your suffering, “I will never leave you. I will never leave you. I will never desert you. I will never forsake you.” I tell you what, friend. You can endure almost anything—paralysis, chronic pain, cancer. You can be hooked up to an IV in a chemotherapy clinic and persevere through it all if you know that Jesus, the Lord of the universe, is sitting next to you.”
Want to listen to the whole thing? This was the happiest and most hopeful 30 minutes of my week 
Growing and Changing
http://www.hopefeathersphotoblog.com/
John 15:2 says “Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” We just celebrated our 2 year anniversary… can you believe it? It has been two of the sweetest, refining and sharpening years the Lord has given me. So much in me has come to the surface… so much in me has been reevaluated, pondered, repented of and… changed. I have such a tender-hearted and sweet husband! He has spoken such encouraging and wise words to me over the years.
I know that might sound funny, but the definition of ‘prune’ is so comparable to being a believer. Prune 2: trim (a tree, shrub, or bush) by cutting away dead or overgrown branches or stems, esp. to increase fruitfulness and growth. Its exactly what God’s been doing in me. At first glance… that’s not a pretty picture. But that’s not where God has stopped. His pruning is freedom-causing. Love- causing.
He gently cuts away dead or overgrown branches or stems, all for what? To increase fruitfulness and growth. It would be painful without the life, death and resurrection of Jesus given on our behalf or the promise that “we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18 )
I have just been massively hit with the realness of God’s faithfulness to me in this season. After these years of wrestling with the Lord through loads of insecurity, fear, and doubt… Something in me has…changed. Something that is so tangibly not of me.
There’s something about David’s songs in the Psalms that displays that God has proved something to Him. David is so stinkin’ expectant of grace. “As for you, O Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!” (Psalm 40:11 ) After the past few years, my heart has grown so expectant of this grace because its been proved over and over.
I wanted to share a few verses full of truths that I have prayed would transform me throughout the past 2 years, often through tears, knowing God was faithful, but not yet seeing him bear these fruits in my life. Anyone know what I mean in that?
Col 4:6
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Ps. 62:1-2
“For God ALONE my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. 2 He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.”
Gal 5: 22
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.”
Psalm 119:133
“Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me.”
Psalm 120:2
“Deliver me, O Lord, from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue.”
James 1:19
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires. 21 Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.”
Psalm 63: 8
“My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.”
In my first year of marriage, I asked Nick to pray these verses for me. and I’ve been fervently asking the Lord to transform me by the reneal of my mind with these specific truths because, in all honesty my mind was a product of believing lies. It was a diseased place that needed healing, restoration, and years of meditating on things that are TRUE.
God wasn’t lying about his faithfulness. The Word I have prayed has returned to me with fruit of His spirit. I’m finally experiencing true freedom from places of bondage. He’s proven so much to me of his character. “What I could not earn, Jesus earned, what I could not defeat, Jesus defeated, what I could not bear, Jesus bore. He is my solitary hope.” (-Paul Tripp- I echo him deeply!)” I am not greatly shaken. I am at peace more often. I am slower to anger. I rest more. When I fear, I am reminded that nothing can separate me from the love of Christ. And I’m alright.
I’m convinced that we are called into seasons for very specific purposes that God has planned to use in the advancement of His kingdom. I could tell sweet stories of how he’s used the past years for His glory. After these past few years, I feel like I am…a newly blooming flower. I feel the breeze blow against new skin… with a new mind, a new freedom, a lighter heart, a greater awareness of sin and what an incredible savior and father I have, a deeper freedom to fail, a deeper trust that I am secure in Him. Everything in my life is different. I’m so caught up in Christ’s love for me and his work he has set out for me to do, I’m not dwelling in my past or failures…instead He’s causing me to “forget what lies behind, and strain forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:13-14) And, just like all flowers, I will continue to die and re-bloom. I only know Him a little bit, but I am intimately acquainted with His faithfulness and steadfast love to a weak woman- its changing everything.
So… for the big 2 year celebration, of course Nick went all out. He surprised me and took me to a B&B on Lake Peppin! We stood in awe of God’s steady work in transforming us. We sat by the lake in silence. We stared into creation… and not only proclaimed, but believed and evidenced that His faithfulness is real. “…The old has passed away; Behold, the new has come!” (2. cor 5:17). I am overcome by what God promised: “you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.”
I’m expecting so many more seasons of pruning, but its fruit-bearing and growth-causing. Its worth every season marked by suffering.
Praying for strength for those of you walking through really hard seasons right now… there is a deep joy in not knowing its purpose… but years later seeing His steadfast love and how He never left you in it. How He’s advancing His kingdom through it.
Studio Day 2
Hard work- The kind that makes you sweat, your mind hurts, you feel pressed, stretched, challenged, inspired, full of decision and indecision and… imaginative is somehow always satisfying, no? You get my drift? It is currently 2am on Tuesday night, and I’m vegging on this orange couch At Zach Foty’s Home recording studio. Key word: home. That’s how it feels here. His mom and dad have given their entire basement over to the life of this studio- what a blessing! So far, they’ve been popping in and out with the dogs, and Zach’s dear wife Ali has already spoiled us by making a mid-day run to starbucks. Nick, Zach, Ali and I also sneaked over to Panera for dinner and good conversation. They got married the same time Nick and I did, and they’ve been really encouraging and refreshing new friends. Gotta love when God gives you those in life, right?? Last night when we left…I actually heard… crickets chirping! Coming from downtown livin’, I had almost forgotten that sound. Outside the studio trees hang high over a hidden little pond… this place feels like a haven. Its RESTful. While the dudes set up the drums (which apparently takes like a year…who knew?) I just hung out in the kitchen with Wendy (Mom), Tom (Dad) and Sunny (Little sister). What sweet people! Sunny, adopted from India, just showed me some really cool (and rather stuntish) tricks on her wheel chair. My toes also got licked by their puppy… oh I forgot to mention I got a tour of Mr. Foty’s painting studio- so cool!
What I love about recording here is that I feel like a part of the family and really free to be myself. It also reminds me of my own home I grew up in. I miss that from time to time… the days when I would sit in the basement for hours in the ‘jam room’ listening to my brother’s band while family and friends rolled in and out or sneaking in to play and write all alone. I guess being married without kiddos yet (but someday!!) in a lot of ways is this inbetween stage of life. Its just the two of us (minus our occasional crowds of college students), so I do have my fair share of quiet- which for the introspective writer type like me is a wonderful blessing. But I’ve always love being in homes where there are lots of people coming and going too.. I love the life if breathes.
The guys: Zach (the producer), Nick (My hub a.k.a. the engineer of my life) and Collin(Zach’s cool friend)- just sipped down some energy drinks and Nick just turned to me and went like this: WOOOHHHOOW! IT JUST KICKED IN! Humorous.
So far, I feel really… humbled is an understatement. Coming into this I was feeling tired and coming off of one of the more hectic weeks I can remember. I felt so in need for God to provide grace for this song, so in need to call to mind this verse: 2 Cor 9:8 “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” I feel surrounded by people who are serving me with their time, their raw talent, their patience… and the sufficiency of Jesus in the places I am deficient. Truth be told, I’m a little dazed that so many people would come together to help produce this song “Recreated.” Its left me learning what it means to let people serve…me, which sounds strange but its a little like the gospel, which does take a stretch of humility to receive- to let the Lord GIVE you himself and all his love… that’s what its been like, to a certain degree. To watch people rack their brains, give energy, to see the depth of care and ear for precision… the willingness to lose sleep… I think its safe to say… there is a pulse to this recording that is full of HIS presence and HIS purpose… all flowing from the well of HIS mercy. I’m so convinced this song is HIS song… pierced by the promises in the resurrection of Jesus Christ and what that means for the believer. So filled with deep hope and belief in the righteousness of Christ on my behalf… and out came this song… which I’ll explain more fully another time… but to be clear: HIS song.
We finished the guitar, intro, outro, scratch vocals and the drums are being added as I write. Loving this song so far enjoying seeing the creativity of my creator in it.
Not sure what vision will develop as we go, but knowing it will come. As we drove here today, Nick and I read Psalm 57 (we love to peruse the Psalms in the car) Ps. 57:2 “I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.” ..to God, who is Most High… still ringing in my ears… to God who fulfills his purpose for me… anyone else comforted by that small, yet HUGE promise?
So Day 2 of this whole new journey! One day at a time… that’s how I like to roll. That’s all for now…more to come, friends.
love,
Katie
Choosing Gratitude: This is Hard!
So my first week of reading choosing gratitude was really revealing of how much of a complainer I really am. You’d think setting out on a quest to learn to be more grateful would be easy, right? It’s as if with each page something to complain about decided to newsflash across my mind. I’d read a few pages and then go about my day to find myself startlingly aware of this thing that seems to nag me day in and day out- its my false sense of entitlement. Wow, what a work the Lord set in to do when He decided to make me His daughter.
I think I am starting to understand that He takes really weak, broken, squashed, seemingly unchangeable, stubborn, proud, cowardly and wandering lost people as His craftsmanship. Yep, that’s me. If you ever thought I was pretty, think again! There’s loads of things that need to be taken to the dump just taking up empty space in my heart. I’m convinced God really loves me and therefore wants to go in and do some spring cleaning in my soul.
So what about the part where I willingly surrender? Well… that’s not so easy I’m finding out. It takes some serious heart evaluation and effort and possibly some over-extended stays at Caribou to carve away some time for this- I have no problem carving away some time for a latte or mocha- but to reevaluate my soul? Hardly as easy! Maybe accompanied by a something tasty and grande, this will be easier… whoops, got swept away in a lie. The truth is that the only thing GRANDE I need is grace. With a shot of comfort and trust in my God who has promised to conform me into the image of His son. (Rom 8:29)
DeMoss challenges me by reminding me “Unfortuntely, reading a book on gratitude does not make a person grateful! And ungrateful people don’t become grateful overnight. Nor do we become grateful by merely thinking about it or wishing to be more so. Like any other virtue, a grateful spirit is the work of God’s spirit within the life of a believer who is purposeful about putting off fleshly inclinations and cultivating spiritual ones. And that takes time, effort, and focused attention.”
Time, effort and focused attention are not always my fortes, but I’m not a hopeless case! In the midst of heightened awareness of my sin I remind myself of 2 Cor. 9:8 “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.”
So I guess you could say my first week of this book revealed how unable I am to produce this fruit of His spirit in my life. Now I will say that its not like my “ungratefulness” is outwardly noticeable. Its not like I walk around complaining and whining to everyone that I meet and see, for that wouldn’t be “polite” and who wants to voluntarily be a Debbie Downer? If you know me, you’re probably not going to categorize me as an ungrateful brat at first glance. But its apparent in my inward attitude, the thoughts that I think, the way that I can treat my husband when my agenda gets interrupted or things don’t go my way. When my expecations don’t get met, you can bet: out comes the grumbling, complaining Katie! Who likes to live behind closed doors most of the time. Well, you sure don’t want to be behind closed doors with me when I don’t get my way!
Complaining Bird. At least he has a swing though, right??
DeMoss is really, really challenging me, I tell you! She is being so bold. She’s one of those authors I’ve never met, but if I could- I would give her a huge hug probably full of tears to tell her how much I have needed this! Even though I’m in the “Terrible Two’s” phase of this whole thing- The phase where I whine and complain and bark out all kinds of untrue ME ME ME commands when I don’t get my way, I can already see the Holy Spirit at work. May I point out one evidence of grace? That I am now AWARE of it! For so long, I’ve been in denial. Not even denial, just total ignorance of this sin in me. Not ever aware that it existed until now. So this is where change begins I believe! When you become AWARE of new areas of sin, selfish patterns of thinking and feeling, you can start to look at yourself a little more clearly in the mirror. You can start admitting what is really true and confessing to God all of your need.
Another evidence of grace: I’m talking about this a lot with God and my husband. I’m repenting more frequently. I’m seeing what a good God and father I really have- that there is no room for grumbling and complaining when we have His kingdom to advance and when we are promised “fullness of joy in his presence.” (Psalm 16:11)
As DeMoss puts is, “I want you to be so available to His spirit’s leading, so aware of others’ needs, and so willing to be open and genuine, that God takes the things Satan meant for evil and transforms them into things of value.”
Wow, to be like that! I think to myself as I gaze off into the clouds peacefully puffing by our apartment windows on Huron Blvd. Its as if God is reminding me: HE will work this all out. HE will walk me through these muddy waters. HE will accomplish all of His purposes in me… HE will help me become grateful. Did I mention that my personality type is labeled “dreamer?” So you can imagine what I am dreaming of becoming… I’ll bet God is way more committing to dreaming of who I am becoming and making sure His purpose is accomplished in me than I am. That’s mighty comforting.
So I’ve done some digging through my bible and jotting down of what God says about being thankful. I’m a little blown away at how thankful the Apostle Paul was! Every letter of His included sincere and overwhelming gratitude. You can just feel his heart pounding with thankfulness when you read his words. I’m beginning to ponder: what was he so thankful for? Why was he so grateful? You can’t be truly grateful for something unless you have something to be truly grateful for.
Now I could say a lot of Sunday-Schoolish sounding things like- I’m grateful for Jesus death on the cross, grateful that he saved me from my sin, grateful that he A.B.C. and on and on and on. But if those are merely words swirling around in my mind then its more like saying I know what I should be thankful for rather than being truly grateful at a heart level. I long for these things to swirl down into my heart and awaken my soul! I want to believe that there are actual things to be grateful for so that gratefulness can overflow from a heart that really believes in the things she is grateful for. I feel like I could be on the show trading spaces. I think I am slowly surrending to them coming in and offering me some new ideas for my life! I can just see the new designers parading through all of the rooms of my heart with new paint colors, lamps, rugs, and furniture- but I have to let them in, I have to be willing to give up some old stuff. Ok… I think I can do that… God, I think I can let you come in and change me. I know you are in the business of redemption… the business of taking old creations and making them new. I confess: I WANT that. I am here, bowed down, confessing in honesty that my heart is open, unlocked and soft enough in this moment to let you into my ungratefulness. Help me stay here… for more than this hour… for more than this book… for more than a few months… help me for a lifetime.
“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Col. 3:17
Now I KNOW I can’t do that without God’s mighty strength. I pray He delights to give this to His very weak daughter (me).
Stay tuned for more evidences of grace as I share with you what I’m learning through this process. I am going to try to blog a few times a week about it- to help me stay committed to this! After all- it DOES take time, effort and focuses attention (like I mentioned above- my personal fortes). Hopefully blogging about it will help!
If it is a contest of Strength, Behold He is Mighty…
In Job 9:19, Job says “If it is a contest of strength, behold, he is mighty! If it is a matter of justice, who can summon him?”
Job is so truthful. He doesn’t pretend to understand God or presume to have all knowledge. He regards God within his shattered life and speaks in his uncomfort, honestly stating that he loathes his life. His whole family has died and his body is taken over by disease. Satan’s goal is to get Job to curse God- so he takes away all that Job has been blessed with.
In Job 1:11, Satan says to God, “But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.” God agrees to let Satan test Job, “And the Lord said to Satan, Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.”
In Job chapter 9, Job speaks as though he is in a battle with God. In all of his suffering, he acknowledges God’s total supremacy and power. When Job says, “If it is a contest of strength, behold, he is mighty! If it is a matter of justice, who can summon him?” He knows that his own strength is not stronger than God’s. He knows that God is completely just in all his ways, the ultimate and most perfect judge.
Job goes on in chapter 10 to be even more real and vulnerable, “I loathe my life; I will give free utterance to my complaint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.” (Job 10:1)
It is clear from reading in Job that God wants something from us. He doesn’t want our good deeds or our perfect satisfaction at all times- but our broken hearts pleading before him- acknowledging our frailty and inability to help ourselves. He wants us to be so broken that we cry out to him- like Job. And he wants us to cry out in honesty, in fear of God, in belief that he is real and powerful. How comforting to know that God, in his wisdom, included broken people filled with calamity, sin, and bitterness in the bible. We can be comforted because it is these very type of people that can still have relationship with the God of the Universe, who can cry out to him in the midst of despair.
In chapter 7, Job is hopeless. He believes his life is ruined and that there is no hope of redemption or restoration. He’s basically expecting death. He says in Job 7:11, “Therefore, I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.” He goes on in verses 13- 16, “When I say, ‘My bed will comfort me, my couch will ease my complaint, then you scare me with dreams and terrify me with visions, so that I would choose strangling and death rather than my bones. I loathe my life; I would not live forever. Leave me alone, for my days are a breath.”
Job sees his sickness and despair. Rather than hoping in the eternity after his death, he is expecting death to take him and end it all. It is a hopeless plight. Even so, he is honest in his despair, which allows me to feel freedom to be honest in my own despair.
Bildad speaks in Chapter 8 that Job should repent of his hopelessness. He encourages Job in verses 8:5-7, “If you will seek God and plead with the Almighty for mercy, if you are pure and upright, surely then he will rouse himself for you and restore your rightful habitation. And though your beginning is small, your latter days will be very great.” Verse 12 says, “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting. Those who hate you will be clothed with shame, and the tent of the wicked will be no more.”
There is so much hope for Job in his most lowly hours! Is there not the same hope for us in our most lonely, most terrified, most beaten, most bruised, most ungodly, most helpless hours?
In the beginning of Job, Job thinks he is righteous on his own, that he is without sin. But God reveals to him that he is sinful and Job begins to have understanding. Job 13: 23, “How many are my iniquities and my sins? Make me know my transgression and my sin.” He believes in God’s redemption, in his power to remove our sin… “For then you would number my steps; you would not keep watch over my sin; my transgression would be sealed up in a bag, and you would cover over my iniquity.”
God can cover over our iniquity when we cry out to him, in raw emotion and despair. We can trust him to remove all our sin and to promise us better days ahead. We can talk to God in anger, in despair, in untrust, in disbelief- and hope that he can restore us and mark us with redemption and total forgiveness and blessing.
Job’s faith is contagious. I want to be real with God like Job. I want to learn to hope in God through my own struggles and despair.
Isn’t it great? We can come to God as we are. He is stronger than we are and powerful enough to break our addictions and patterns of crap in our lives.
I am so hopeful today.
Redemptive Community
Yesterday and today I woke up with a kick in my spirit, unlike any kicks I’ve experienced recently. Days are rare when we can wake up and feel excited and eager for life. I have felt overjoyed this past weekend, and I cannot express how thankful I am. I attribute it to the people that surrounded me this past weekend and the way that they motivate me to live life.
There is something that living in community does to my spirit. Living in community can also be challenging because sin easily taints the beauty of relationships. But redemptive community is different. It is a group with two things in common that can bond a human soul faster than any other commonalities I’ve known in relationships. 1) We are all sinners to the same degree. 2) We are all forgiven and made righteous through Christ. This makes these relationships a lot different than relationships built upon other standards. This makes these relationships out-of-this-world, literally. These kind of relationships don’t exist naturally in the world. They only exist when both people in a relationship have experienced the radical forgiveness of Christ. This makes these relationships full of freedom, honesty and forgiveness. This makes these relationships all about celebrating life- because its forever! A side note: My friend Mary and I decided we never would have been friends unless we shared the bond of Christ- pretty funny huh? Now she stands as my ex-roommate (only because I got married!) of two years and a dear friend who stood by me in my wedding. Anywho…
As a part of the human condition, we have a natural tendency to only hold on to relationships if they can give us what we feel we need and deserve. I’ve realized I wake up each day with expectations from certain relationships. What I don’t often do is consider the after math of when one of my expectations doesn’t get met. How will I react to the failure of myself as a friend and the failure of others as my friends? (more…)
Into the Light
Into the Light
By Katie Stromwall
Song Lyrics written
Sunday, March 09, 2008
11:56 AM
V1
The lights are blinding
Driving Home
On this two way road
You’re in control
But you’re losing it now
You’ve cut ties with everyone
Made your wish
That this could all be done
I know
Because I’ve been there
Chorus
Hold on
I’ll stay by you
Till this is through
In battle cries
We will rise
Into the light
V2
When it seems impossible
To hope when you feel strangled
By a world of lies
It will addict us to anything
To escape momentary affliction
Its so appealing
Just to be set free (more…)
